Sunday, September 25, 2011

And then all the Trolls in the universe appeared...

A few days ago I was having a really good day. The way I determine whether a day is good or bad is by the way I feel by the end of the day before I go to sleep and also how the way I feel the next morning. If I got to sleep regretting being alive, then it was a bad day. Sometimes, when I wake up the following morning feeling amazing, I can look back at the day before and realize that it was actually not that bad of a day.

In hindsight, I think the day initially mentioned was a good day. However, during that day, I felt like it was a buncha bullshit. The funny thing is, I only remember one bad thing that happened that made it so bad. And that is what this post is gonna be about.

Continuing....

A few days ago, I was having a good/bad day. I was minding my own business just like how everyone does when they are in a story they are not aware of. Because if they knew they were aware of the story it would be breaking the 4th Wall. Looking at the cameras and shit, addressing the audience, arguing with the narrator etc. Who needs that? So, I just continued minding my own business. Suddenly, as most occurrences come into existence, some friends of mine suggested we get some posters and make signs to support our friends' soccer game in the upcoming hours. I offered to drive to the store on campus--which was dumb because parking sucked and it would be cheaper at Walmart, which is what we would end up doing anyways. When we arrived to the campus book store to buy supplies, there were absolutely NO parking spaces left. The only ones were handicap parking spots. People were so desperate for the terrible food at McCalie's they obnoxiously illegally parked along the side the street making it difficult to pull out a car from the handicap parking spots.

As I pulled in to the handicap spots, I decided, " This is dumb. Why'd you guys let me come here? Time to go to Walmart!" Everyone cheered as I pulled out of the parking spot, and hit someone's car.

You read that last sentence correctly. I hit someone's car. And then all the trolls in the universe appeared..

When I opened my car door I heard every stereotypical voice you would hear during a moment that could be exciting:

"Like, Oh my God. He just hit that car"
"Awww Snap Ya'll! Shits about to go down"
"Holy shit bro. Did you see that?!"

The Trolls! They arrived! And they came from all corners of the universe. Gathering around that accident.

I nervously got out of the car and walked up to victim of my carelessness. Afterall, how could I so carelessly hit an illegally parked car that was bascially screaming "OH, PLEASE! QUICKLY! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HIT ME!"

However, I had no attitude. No anger. Just concern. No one was hurt and there was ZERO damage.
Although I had no attitude, it didn't mean that other people were gonna play by the same rules. I still heard the trolls making things worse (and funnier...I laughed..a bit later). I still heard " Aw snaps, ya'll," which is so funny as background noise. I figured they'd get bored. But one of the trolls stepped forward and said " Hey man, nothing happened really. The dent was there and then it just popped out."

Glory! But, it wasn't over yet. One more approached me stating " Oh yeah! This is my sister's car. Hold on, she'll be right out!" She said it in that way. You know? That " Naw naw naw, bitch! Don't you dare think about running away!" kinda way. But I ignored the sass and waited for her sister who wasn't much different. When she came out, I was annoyed for two reasons: She was kinda cute and she didn't hear me tell her she was on the wrong side of the car. I stood awkwardly in the background.
Eventually she asked, " who did this?" and like a little kid who broke the family vase, I stood with my hand raised.

Her response: She turned to the trolls surrounding the vehicle and asked " Oh, he wasn't gonna speak up then huh?"

the before mentioned troll stepped forward explaining the situation again, this time to queen troll:

"...and then it just popped back out"

I got bored and walked up to her, apologizing for hitting her tactlessly, illegally parked car, which, if my car was damaged by, she would have to pay since she was the one in the wrong. She looked at me for a second, changed her tone and said " nah, its okay. There's no damage."

That was it. I drove the fuck outta there.

Kill em with kindness

and then villainy.


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