Sometimes, its just time to go.
The biggest cliche in the post-high school world is believing that all your problems stem from your hometown and leaving will ultimately remedy the problem. Well, that and becoming pregnant immediately after grabbing your diploma and walking off the stage. I was part of this same cliche when I was a Senior in high school and freshmen in college. Whenever you came back from school, and had been home for more than a week, Hometown Syndrome kicks in. Then boom!: My hometown had become the reason for my lack of money, influx of car problems and my perpetual state of boredom. I mean the famous Fun Luggage analogy I use so much on this blog is the perfect solution to the problem: just make things fun. But it is so much easier to blame the city.
I remember the first drive outta Knoxville to MTSU feeling like a lot of my old problems were gone. Why? Because I associated that with Knoxville. If you think about it, using a city as a scapegoat makes a lot of sense. When you claim your problems are the city itself, then you can always just leave. Creating an illusion that all of your issues have been left behind you. Now, I don't think Knoxville sucks, but for damn sure don't want to live here.
Here's were the entry starts to get confusing. My problem for not wanting to live in my hometown is just that, my problem. I don't think I am any better than those who are living there/here. I am one of those people who are lightly affected by their environment. If I am around a group of friends that I always said the expression "Nah dawg" with in the past, then I am more likely to do it. Mind you, if everyone is doing meth, I am not going to do it so don't even start making up those little metaphors about people jumping off cliffs and me promptly following. Instead, I am more prone to doing things and feeling ways about things if I am in an area in which I always do those things or feel those ways.
Personally, when I come home I feel less productive than I do at school and it makes me feel uncomfortable. When I go back to school, I feel like I am hitting my potential often.
A better example of this kind of thing is one that I am going to steal from a friend. I have a friend who goes home to a very nice area, inhabited with people best described as "silly." Not everyone from that area is silly, but their social circle is a little "silly." When my friend returns home to visit their loved ones, their silly traits, that were once cute, are somewhat offensive and annoying. This kind of thing makes that friend not want to come home so often. Lucky for me, that is not so much the case.
If you could tolerate my love of italics and vagueness and are still following, I appreciate it.
Therefore, for me, it was great coming back to the states and my hometown etc. But it is more of a reminder of how badly I want to not be here. I guess I want to broaden my sense of "home". I want everywhere to feel like home instead of just one place. I have, and always will have, mad love for my home town. But I think it will feel great to finally hit the road again.
Knoxvillainy.
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