1. Season 1's Yellow and Black Rangers
Yes. The black ranger was an African American and the Yellow Ranger was Asian American. Now when you get around your hipster friends that have the eternal boner for the 90s because, well, they have only been around for about 20 years and have nothing else to nostalgia-come over, just remember: EVERYBODY KNOWS
2. Bush and Dick
It's true. Dick Cheney's name has a massive, pulsating "dick" in it...Do you see it? Also, George W. Bush has "bush" in his name. You don't get it yet? Well, yeah, bush could be shrubbery but it could also be pubic hair! hahahahahahaahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahhahahahahahahahhahahhhaahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahahhahahhaaha!
God, that's hilarious! The country was ran by a dick and bush for 8 years and only I, me, myself, alone has noticed that. Even with the whole world hating the shit outta these assholes--making pretzel and Halliburton jokes--I was the only one that caught that one. HA!---but seriously folks, that joke is as old as balls and too easy to make. Try harder.
3. Frank Ocean
I was on Twitter and got into an exchange with G-unit sub member "Johnny Fastlane." He's not really famous or anything. Nor was it a long exchange. It was about Frank Ocean's debut album, "Channel Orange." A few weeks ago, Frank came out of the closet. Then, his first REAL, nonmixtape album came out--no pun intended. So, of course, the internet--especially Johnny Fastlane--got "clever." Johnny Fastlane tweeted: "Ever since Frank Ocean came out, he's been getting more airplay on the radio." The problem is...THIS WAS HIS FIRST ALBUM! HIS OTHER ONES WERE NOT CLEARED BY HIS LABEL SO THEY RECEIVED NO NON-INTERNET AIRPLAY! So, I responded with "Ever since Frank Ocean's album came out, he's been getting more airplay." So, yeah. Y'know: you're not original and whatnot. Oh, and on that note...
4. Adam and Steve
Yes, you are right. The bible does not mention "steve" and you are a skilled rhymer. People live by the ol' "its a saying; therefore, it must be true" philosophy. Oh and if it rhymes, you've got yourself a life-long creed! People love "sayings" because it takes the whole thinking portion out of an argument or retort, simplifying a larger issue down into a depthless nursery rhyme. Say it and just add water and you walk away from an argument champion of...nothing. I have sat in classrooms in which this line was thrown around oh-so smuggly and proudly as if they were the first. But rest assured, there is a clever response: " which means we should kill ever person not named Adam or Eve" and then promptly kill yourself, mentally scarring everyone in the classroom.
5.Final Fantasy
" Man, its called Final Fantasy but they keep on making games." If you have said this, you have just joined the rest of the population that has said this...which is a lot of fuckin' people. Its got to stop.
6. Black People and Obama
It would be a lie for me to say that there were not any black people that did not vote for Obama just because he was black. However, it would just as false and prejudice for me to say that most (or even half) of the Black people voted for Obama just because he was black. Here's why its false: Historically speaking, African-American votes tend to be Democratic 88% of the time. And if you are going to continue to ignore the facts, you should also think about Michael Steele--Black republican who awkwardly drops hip-hop references the leave all jaws ajar in embarrassment. If his ol' corny ass ran for president, he would most likely get a very low black vote percentage. Don't even get me started on Herman Cain. But, Why is it prejudice? Think about what you're saying: a whole race of people are so simple that they cannot make a strategic political decision and thus, resort to voting based on browness. You thought you noticed something groundbreaking: "this color voted for this color and its all so simple!" But all you really did was say something some other uninformed person proudly and spitefully stated when an entire generation celebrated slight, ever-so-very slight progress in 2008.
7. Jesus was Jewish
I have heard so many people shout this at someone in a religious debate and act as if they have just awoken someone from the Matrix. The worst part about it is everyone has access to that info and for the most part knows that information. Usually, when I hear this trivia thrown about, it is used at the wrong time. Sometimes even when the debate is not the ethnicity of Jesus. I fantasize about shouting it myself during a random event. Perhaps the NBA finals. Like, when Miami wins the game I would shout, "Yeah, but Jesus was a Jew! BOOM! Neither of you win! I win the game! Give me my trophy, Bitch!" No, seriously, expect to hear that from me. I will never lose any kind of anything ever again forever. As long as I throw out that tidbit of info, I am forever a champion: Jesus was in fact, a Jew.
8. History and Herstory
Just a small amount of feminism can make any conservative man or woman shake with fear. Immediately, they feel powers shifting. A mention of women's rights and all of the sudden "But what about MEN's right! Women have all the power now!" and then...here it comes... "We aren't even learning about History anymore. Now it's HERstory." And then comes the little giggles and high-fives. Those that heard it, spread it to others and then we all pretend like we have never heard it before. Well, NO MORE, I say. From now on, I am going to be completely ignorant about it. I am going to ask them to explain it. Then spell it. Then say "but what is herstory?" Then, be a dick: "who's story? Where is she now." Then be a cunt about it: "Is there really more herstory than history? If so, give me herstorical names, dates and events. Then I will give you a long list of reasons why you are single--which has no dates or events." Lastly, I'll become my own hypeman and shout "OOOOH SNAP!" and then moonwalk away.
9. Chris Brown Jokes
I hate that I have to put this one up because I absolutely love Chris Brown jokes, because I absolutely hate Chris Brown. Not because he beat Rhianna. I've hated him since high school when had to "start by saying yoooooo!" But since I live by the philosophy "Nobody's safe," I must call myself out and say that sometimes I think I am the only one that notices that Chris Brown has a lot of hit records. Some major heavy hitters. He is constantly beating up the charts with his smash hits. I must say, that man is talented, but I just can't resist making fun of him and his many big hits. I'm sorry. Its a bad habit.
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he beats women.
lol, okay. I'm done. Its not clever. I know.
10.Grammar corrections in non-scholarly scenarios.
I am guilty of this, but I really don't like it. Correcting someone's grammar is not a bad thing. Correcting and then feeling wiser for doing so is a bad thing. Why do we feel intellectual and more intelligent for enforcing a rule of language that has been enforced for centuries? To me, those who get creative with slang, idioms, metaphors and structure are the clever ones. I mean, of course it's important to know how English works. But most people that speak Southern American English, African-American Vernacular English etc. know the rules of the language and choose to speak it their own way. To "school" someone who is talking to you at a bar or cafeteria for using a "double negative" or creating some sort of lexical gap that no one has ever heard of but could start hearing just seems a bit douchey. See? "douchey" had to start from somewhere and is a wonderful word which could have never happened due to some discouraging anglophone. Stephen Fry argues it best. You really aren't being more witty than anyone else by telling someone something everyone already knows. In fact, its kinda dumb.
Quip Villainy
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