If I Were a Middle Class White Guy Writing about 'If I Were a Poor Black Kid'....

...I just wouldn't."

I am going to show the few of the people who read this blog how to avoid sounding like an idiot and talking about things you (well, not you) have never experienced, but merely speculated on.
An article on Forbes.com called "If I were a poor black kid," by a writer named Gene Marks--a self-described, middle class white guy who comes from a middle white background"--struck a nerve with me, and a big chunk of the internet. If you don't want to read it, I will summarize it:

 "Hey, I am not going to lie. I am not poor and my kids are well off. But listen, if I was not rich, I would just work really hard and make my way to the top. I would utilize the internet and its free technology and become an expert on Google Scholar and climb my way to the top. It's not easy, but I would do it!"

In all honesty, Gene Marks was probably not trying to being malicious or condescending. I mean, what person aims to be either of those. After all, most bad ideas are ideas that meant well.  The problem with ideas such as these is that their foundations are a bunch of misconceptions and epic generalizations.  I don't want to make fun of the guy because there are faaaaaaar worst generalizations that have been made to a group of people. Also, let's not pretend for a moment that this is something done only by a white, middle-class male. I have heard this done by plenty of people from various races, classes. More commonly, I have heard people from people from a poorer community who have "made it," tell those who have not "made it," that anything is possible, and you should "just work harder."

......Just sayin'

One of the easiest ideas to conjure is one that over-simplifies a complicated issue. For example, we have all had that person--usually a family member--that likes to blame you for the problem before they have heard the whole situation:

You: My car has been acting funny lately
Parent: Well, you should take better care of it!

Sure. The parent makes a valid point, but a valid point is not equivalent to a fair argument. Yes, taking better care of a car would, in fact, be beneficial. But what if your car is operating funkily because of someone else's tampering? Or a previous accident? Or the car just being shitty? BOOM! It is now your fault automatically!

When an erroneous presentation of a situation surfaces, such as "Poor people should work harder," their is a natural tendency to agree. One might think, "Sure, hard work is good for everyone," not realizing that it implies that poor people do not work hard. Usually, addressing an issue that involves a vast amount of people as if it was a single individual is the first step along the path of being a douche bag. Making very broad, vague statements can easily mislead someone into believing inaccurate information, or a "straw man argument."

A prime example is Marks understanding of poverty being solely the lack of money when it usually incorporates more factors: domestic violence, gang violence, Drugs etc. Marks only talks about not having technology and not trying hard enough. Sure is hard to try when you're focused on not dying and starving.  Of course, there are poor people that do not try, but is it okay to assume that is the same case for the majority?

How to avoid being mislead, or making the same mistake Gene Marks made is simple:


1. Avoid providing resolutions to issues that are foreign to you.

If you have no clue about the economics, please spare your friends/family 'resolutions' to the problem.

2. Be aware of Over-simplifications. Listen for absolute words like all, everyone, you people, always, etc.

Not all simplification use those words. In a lot of cases you have to just think critically and beware of hype.

Girls are emotional! (really? Only girls? Aren't humans emotional?)

Men are emotionless (ouch...that hurts my feelings.)

"Black people talk like this.." (Do they? Or does this comedian/rapper/actor talk like this?)

"Why do white people always..." (Wow, you must have had a lot of free-time to have met all the white people in the world)

3. As mentioned above, try not to approach an issue that relates to thousands, millions, billions as if it only applies to one person.

"Rich people work hard for what they have" (Depends on the parents. Lots of people inherit wealth).

Try to remember this the next time you have the chance to voice your opinion online, on the radio, television, internet or argument with your friends. Because having the best intentions is just not enough.


Are we done here? I think we're done here.

Villainy.

Oh The Things You'll miss.

This semester, I started to like football. To many people that know me personally it may come as a total surprise. I have never cared for sports. In fact, I hated sports. In my childhood it seemed to be goal of every young boy around me. I could not make myself interested in it so I ignored it. Then, eventually, after being stoned by questions and criticism for my lack of engagement into the world of sports, my apathy morphed into annoyance and then, at some point in middle school, a petty hatred.

Since I started working at the Global Learning Community, I've made plenty of foreign friends who have wanted to learn about American Football. Despite not giving a rat's dirty ass about football, I still learned the basics over the years. So, I took a few students to a game and explained it. Then I took fewer students to a game and explained. Then, just one student. Eventually, I was watching it on television with other residents. Shouting, cursing and threatening to kill the referee, his children and pets. I always knew that I was probably missing out on something fun. But I didn't care as a child. I figured there were lots of fun things that I would miss out on, and a lot of fun things that I would be included in..See, I was mature sometimes.

Trying new things is kind of hard for a lot of people. Especially myself. I don't know what it is about me and trying new experiences, but when I do try new things, I can feel my personality gaining depth. Even if it is something new I did not particularly enjoy, I at least walk away from it knowing that it sucked, vowing to never waste my time again. What is unfortunate is that there are people who make it a goal to avoid new experiences. Don't get me wrong, I really don't like watching new movies recommended by people who have disappointed me time and time again: "Dude, you HAVE to go watch Book of Eli! It is so inspirational!" I am still shuddering.  Instead I am saying that intentionally sticking to a routine of watching the same television shows, reading the same blogs, talking to the same people, playing the same video games, shopping at the same stores, dating the same kind of personality, using the same vocabulary, listening to the same music, watching the same movies, having the same hair cut, buying the same clothes and eating the same food can really limit life.

I remember the day I bought my first Spider-man comic in 2006. I remember walking into the bookstore at the mall and seeing the comic book rack. I spent it around and then I suddenly became hyper-aware of Spider-man. I used to love the show growing up. I remembered loving everything about the character. However, it just hit me that the series has been running for the past 40 years. I wondered why. How could a series last so long? 24 comics a year for 40 years is a long time. I thought, they should just end it. I wondered what all the rage is about. Now its 5 years later and I haven't missed an issue. Moreover, I want to write comic book stories. I want to spark a franchise that lasts 40 years. A moment of curiosity determined has affected my life for the past 5 years.

I'll give you another example. This past weekend, a friend and I wanted to have a Mobile Suit Gundam marathon. His girlfriend, a Japanese girl who ignored and occasionally mocked Gundam, joined us. about 3 hours later, she informed us that she never realized how deep the series was. She said "I thought it was for kids. I did not expect it to be so awesome." It was definitely dated like most shows from 1979, but it left a good impression on her. She even said she'd be down for watching it again.

It's not for everyone but...this shit Cray.

But what does that mean? Does it mean that she will have a life changing experience? Of course not. Gundam is VERY hit and miss. I guess, at the most, it could lead to a new hobby, and it could even be useful to a connecting with new friends. Knowing the slightest pop cultural references--especially a franchise with the magnitude of Gundam--could even win you a million dollars:

Just sayin'

Villainy.

NoSafeNovember: What it means. And a video to show

A long long time ago, when I was in high school (which was only about 5 years ago), I was part of an intense culture of friendly insults--a major contributor to who I am today. Everyday my friends and I would make jokes about each other--sometimes crude, other times embarrassing. Mostly, it kept us clever, quick-witted, humble and thick skinned. If you can laugh at yourself with ease then you are on the path to happiness. One of my favorite concepts introduced from this era of my life was the philosophy of safeness. It is a MUST to know the philosophy of safeness if you want to have a long term friendship with me. But at the same time, this philosophy might make you want to prevent having a long-term anything with me.

Safeness is the idea that someone is secure from any form of insults. Sadly, this idea represents a condition that is nonexistent. Safeness is similar to perfection. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, nobody is safe--which has become the motto surrounding the culture. Safeness can however be rated. Someone in a dance club who still thinks its cool to do the long-dead C-walk has a very low safety rating, which means it is your duty to stop this madness. In this case, I would say "The C-walk? Really? Dude is really not safe right now. I'm bout to let him know." Of course, depending on my relationship with that person, I would probably not inform him of his low safety. However, if a friend was to do it...It's time to let him/her know.

The #1 rule of being safe is that NOBODY IS SAFE. Not your mother, not your father, not your best friend.  Embarrassing your friends instead of your enemies seems a bit backwards, but the code of safeness is also a way of comically addressing issues with your friend. For example, if your friend smells like he or she has an uncontrollable fear of soap, and you have plans of going to the club that night with them still exuding offensive odor, then it might be time to say, "Fam, you are not safe. It smells like you showered in camel sweat. Correct ya self with a nice, warm shower." This sounds harsh, but if you don't let you friend/family know, someone else will. I guarantee your buddies would like to know how they should improve themselves and from you, a friendly voice.

The #2 rule of safeness is keeping it funny. What I mean is, remember your goal is to have fun. There are times when I myself get this one messed up. There have been so many times I get too crunk--another phrase used in our culture--and wind up offending my closest buds. Annoying your friends is okay when you can all laugh at it. Sometimes things may piss off a bud at first but it may be something they will find funny after a time of rage. But what you don't want to do is always try to piss them off. This varies from relationships-to-relationships. If my friend does not like mama jokes, I am incline to not make them. However, if my friend claims to not like the classic mama joke, but continues to make them about other people's mama, then they are on unsafe grounds. It is then my job as a friend to remind them of two things: They are not safe and I had a passionate night with their mother on the beaches of Normandy.  It's best to know who you are talking to, when you are talking to them and if you can handle the same amount of safe-criticism back. In other words, don't starting making mama jokes if you can't handle it back! With that said, it would be wise to stay off someone's dead loved one, tragic rape, etc... Unless you have an interesting bond with your friend.

Also, on the note of keeping it funny, keep in mind that you should actually be comical as well as careful. In other words, entertain. If you DARE make some kind of joke about your friends fashion of the day, and you fail at being clever, you are now TWICE as unsafe as your prey, which means its "open Season" on your sorry ass. Get 'em!

Now, No Safe November.

I am sure we all now what No Shave November is. If not, I will summarize. It is a game that people play in the month of November prevents all players from shaving until the end of November. By the end of November, dudes be lookin' like the members of Fleet Foxes....google 'em.

Since high school has ended, I have gotten soft. Unless I am in Knoxville, I don't often bring up safeness, or the lack therof, as much as I should. It is my duty to society to let people know that they are not safe. In NoSafeNovember (usually used as a hashtag: #NoSafeNovember.), we (me, you and the world) spend a month finally letting people know that they are not safe. All those irky things that you have been putting up with for the past ten months from co-workers, family members, best friends, and fellow students can now be cleverly mentioned in a way the lets you both laugh and learn.

However, keep in mind, the two rules of celebrating NoSafeNovember:

#1 Keep it funny
#2 and you are not safe either (can't stress that enough. Don't think that you are for a moment. ACCEPT IT.)

Remember: The safest thing you can do this November is admit that you are not safe. It invites comfort and fun. The moment you believe you a free of flaw and are just chillin' in safe-zone, you get GOT!

I KNOW I am not safe. Proofread this post, I bet I messed up plenty.

NoSafeNovember Victim #1

Pure Villainy.

Gay

Being gay just ain't what it used to be. I remember back in a time where being gay meant you were sexin' dudes. But one thing I have learned about life is that everything changes.

Don't get me wrong, I have kept up with the changes. I remember in 4th grade I wore a pink shirt to school and for that entire day I was called gay. So I thought, "note to self...pink means dude sexin.'"  However, that changed just a week later when I brought my holographic Charizard Pokemon card to school. The same group of boys came up to inform me of my homosexual ways: "Man, that's gay. You're gay." So I added on to my mental notes: "Okay. Charizard is gay too. Noted." A year later, I was discussing why Goku was gonna whoop Frieza's ass in the next episode of Dragonball Z with a friend. A familiar group of cliches people approached me reminding me that I was still gay. By that time it was too late. I stopped caring because I finally knew what gay meant. At least I thought I did. 

Then, middle school came and I was informed by a currently established homosexual that I was gay because I did not care about being gay and that I didn't play basketball. Thus, I readjusted my mental notes again: "Start playing with balls and then I am no longer gay." By 7th grade, I finally got it. Being gay was no longer something difficult to define and I learned that two things: Gay is when some is romantically interested in males and I am not part of that community. 

By college, of course it was all mapped out. Sexual categories are just not simple. Obviously if a man and another man are in a relationship (or woman and another woman, and in some cases, a man and a woman who have complicated situation), they are most likely gay/lesbian/bisexual. However, my mind was blown yet again. A person can potentially be a heterosexual woman but fall in love with another woman. Just one woman. She could not be attracted to only one woman her whole life. Does that make her gay? So, I noted once more: "Labels complicate simple things."

However, today, October 20,  2011, I am afraid I am back to square one, once again. Today, it was raining and it was the worst kind of rain: it was cold and horizontal. So, I snatched my umbrella. When I got to the cafeteria, I met with a friend. Once we finished, we walked outside into the rain, where, again, I used my umbrella. She looked at me and snickered, " You are the ONLY boy I know that has an umbrella!"

"really?" I said. 

"Yes, really."

"ah...you're point?"

"You know what they say about boys with umbrellas"

"..they don't like to get wet?"

"Nope," she blurted, "They're gay!!!"

I quit the human race.

Villainy. Non-biased, LGBT supportin' Villainy.

Remember when "I don't care" meant something?

I think the first time I said"I don't care" and really meant it was around 3rd grade. I never played kick ball and hated when students got mad that I didn't play. They cared too much about my disinterest in the game. I remember standing on top of that hill at Chillhowee Intermediate's playground after they had asked harassed me for the second time in a 30 minute period and announcing to the entire world "I really don't care about kickball."

It was empowering to denounce something that everyone tried so hard to convert me to. I just didn't want to play kick ball. I seriously didn't care about that game or the other games they wanted me to play. But wasn't I apathetic before I proclaimed? What encouraged me to holler my lack of interest in kickball? In fact, kickball was not the thing I cared least about. The things I cared the absolute least about were things that I don't even bother to think about. A prime example is the Rugrats. When I was in third grade I really did not care about that show at all. I would not even think about that show unless it was on, and I watched it only to pass the boredom. It wasn't until recently I thought back and realized that show really sucked. I describe it as a " bunch of ugly babies and an overly villainized girl who received no attention from her frequent-cellphone-wielding parents."

I mean really...look at this shit.

But I digress.

I cared even less about politics, so much so that when Bill Clinton got that infamous BJ, I just disregarded. I knew it had something to do with sex due to naughty 4th graders that learned from their parents' xxx rated movies. But I was still not interested. Didn't give two fucks about it--no pun intended. Thus, I must have said "I don't care about kickball" because I wanted them to leave me alone.

Eventually, like many others, I abused my "I don't care" powers.  I found myself using it for things I did care about--things that cause too much of an internal conflict. For an example, I wanted to be a reader so badly but I just could not make myself do it. When everyone read Harry Potter, I avoided it saying "I don't care about Harry Potter." But I did care. I cared sooo much. But because I knew I wouldn't read the book, I just told myself and the world I didn't care. A big regret. Should've read more as a child. I see that same thing today with other people only it has gotten worse. I first noticed it in high school. I was sitting in class when all of the sudden a teacher told a student "if she wanted to sleep she could go home or sleep outside." She wasn't having it. She argued, " But some of us got jobs!"(This argument always struck a nerve with me because it was so weak. I understand that there are some shitty situations were people have to work for their families and poor living conditions but most people at the school were not in those terrible conditions. They chose to work.) The teacher responded "well, I am sorry but you should learn to prioritize. There is no point to coming to class if you can't stay awake for it." She shouted, " Man, I don't give a fuck!" and promptly left the classroom. Okay, clearly she gave a fuck because she resisted him and tried to stay. This happened several times throughout high school. I heard that phrase before fights, classroom walkouts, break ups etc.

Now, "Idon'tcare/don'tgiveafuck" means " I care soooo damn much and I am upset about it. Waah." I think it agitates me the most when people say they don't care about something and THEN argue about it. I remember sitting in on a conversation between two people. One was black and one was white. The black person loudly stated that "Jesus was black!" while the white person said "dude, why do you even care? I don't care about his race. Why do you need to make him black? Just leave him white." Well, I agree to an extent. I disagree about only having a white Jesus because of the racial dominance it influences by making the son of God, someone who represents all perfection a skinny, white male (considering its role in history as tool of conquest and it's influence of America's idea that white is the standard. In my opinion, he shouldn't be animated at all or make him in all colors). My problem with this scenario is not the politics around it, but the mask of "I don't care." The guy said he didn't care but then said "Just leave him white?" So basically...you do care?

Sir, I am going to have to pick a side: to care or to not care

 I have caught myself doing it too. I remember my freshman year, someone engaged me in an argument that I was not in the mood to back down from. It might have been abortion, or something cliche like that. But halfway through it, I said, " I don't care" and then continued to engage the person in the argument. Then saying "I don't care" when I realized I was wrong. Its like jumping into a fight between two people, trying to make peace, and then bitch slapping them both and fleeing from the altercation. You can't wave a sign of peace and then continue engaging someone in war...unless you're a jerk.

What really gets my boxers all tied up is when someone says "I don't care" about something they don't know about or something important. I am not saying every serious thing that is going on in the world should have you undivided. After all, importance is not objective and people that feel that way aren't my favorite people either (,and I really don't like when I am being one of those people). In most cases, like my early beliefs of Rugrats, I don't really think about or mention things I genuinely don't care about. So proclaiming your lack of care all the time makes it look like you want people to care about your apathy, which might mean that you care too much.



 Villainy.

....bible lady....

Ideas/Ideologies/Beliefs are so wonderful. They give purpose to our lives, provide direction and at the same time cause us to do stupid, horrible and awkward things as well. For example, once while I was in Japan I was extremely nervous about a Japanese Speaking test. So, I thought that it would be a ingenious if I had some Japanese plum wine to calm my nerves... Why would anyone ever do that?

I only know like a handful of people that perform better when they have had a little bit to drink:

Jackie Chan in Drunken Master

Rock Lee from Naruto

And apparently myself because I got an A on that shit:

Celebration dance...been doin it for years.

In other cases, the passionate positions we hold on certain things can birth awkward situations. And furthermore make us oblivious to the awkwardness until that self-reflective moment in the night when you recap on your day and think " Oh shit. I really sounded antisemitic when I said that."

Especially if the ideology is something that is the foundation of your identity. For me, I am sensitive about race sometimes. Not hypersensitive, but sensitive. People get those things mixed up sometimes. In the worst case, someone will say something racially awkward and I will just roll my eyes and bitch about it to friends later. For other people religion, sexuality, gender or sports may be sensitive topics. You will rarely hear my call someone racist or see me react in an angry, violent way to it.

Now that I hyped you up about why I am talking about this, I am going to disappoint you. Nothing ridiculous happened. But something kind of awkward happened the other day.

A friend and I were doing a late night run to Taco Bell (which later changed to a trip to Burger King due to a long line and a moment of indecisiveness) when I noticed I was running low on gas. What the topic of discussion was escapes me now, but I remember having a semi-deep conversation. Regardless the astuteness of the conversation, it was interrupted. Not that it was that important, but it all happened kind of awkwardly. I was at the pump, talking to my friend over the roof of the car when a middle-aged woman nervously approached us and handed both me and my friend a brochure that was designed to help us keep up with our bible readings. You know, the ones that are nonexistent. The ones I never do ever.  I smiled and politely said "oh thanks" fakely enthusiastic. She quickly walked away after a nice "you're welcome."

If you are reading this and are religious, you are probably like " so, what's the problem?" Or maybe you're not, but if you are, don't be so hostile. There is no problem here. None whatsoever. In fact, I think it was sweet. It was a nice gesture. She cared about something and offered to help with it. Its not like she tried to convert me, she just assumed that I already was. Why? Who knows.

But the thing is: its just a bit awkward. To a lot of people, especially people of the bible belt, it is normal to be Christian. So, it is very very easy to assume everyone is Christian--especially if you are black. I mean, very rarely do you find a black person that is nonreligious. So I completely understand the lady telling me " take this. It will help you keep up with your scripture reading. 

The most interesting part of the whole thing is what if I actually told her that I am part of that smaller percentage that would be classified under something else. I did not say that of course because that would just invite more awkwardness and, again, I thought it was nice. But still, it would not be rude or over-the-top if I actually informed her of my own beliefs. After all, she kind of just did it...kinda. If someone were to be offended that she assumed that they were Christian, or Mormon or anything, then I guess it would be fair to be so. I wouldn't be. But it would be fair.

Another thing that I think is interesting is that people do not approach you unless they have something religious to tell you or something to sell you. Yes, I just rhymed. But I am serious. I would have been even more touched if she just walked up to me and said, "Hey fellas! I just wanted to say that I hope you two have a wonderful evening. And just be safe. That's all." 

Yeah, you roll your eyes and laugh but I would have been happy. I love that kind of thing. Why would her saying that instead seem weird or creepy, but giving me a scripture schedule normal? Maybe not "hey fellas" but what if she just came up and said something sweet. Or do only people with bibles and Qur'ans do that?  

If you want to express yourself just log-in and leave a post at the bottom. Trolls included.

Just a thought. 

Villainy.

And then all the Trolls in the universe appeared...

A few days ago I was having a really good day. The way I determine whether a day is good or bad is by the way I feel by the end of the day before I go to sleep and also how the way I feel the next morning. If I got to sleep regretting being alive, then it was a bad day. Sometimes, when I wake up the following morning feeling amazing, I can look back at the day before and realize that it was actually not that bad of a day.

In hindsight, I think the day initially mentioned was a good day. However, during that day, I felt like it was a buncha bullshit. The funny thing is, I only remember one bad thing that happened that made it so bad. And that is what this post is gonna be about.

Continuing....

A few days ago, I was having a good/bad day. I was minding my own business just like how everyone does when they are in a story they are not aware of. Because if they knew they were aware of the story it would be breaking the 4th Wall. Looking at the cameras and shit, addressing the audience, arguing with the narrator etc. Who needs that? So, I just continued minding my own business. Suddenly, as most occurrences come into existence, some friends of mine suggested we get some posters and make signs to support our friends' soccer game in the upcoming hours. I offered to drive to the store on campus--which was dumb because parking sucked and it would be cheaper at Walmart, which is what we would end up doing anyways. When we arrived to the campus book store to buy supplies, there were absolutely NO parking spaces left. The only ones were handicap parking spots. People were so desperate for the terrible food at McCalie's they obnoxiously illegally parked along the side the street making it difficult to pull out a car from the handicap parking spots.

As I pulled in to the handicap spots, I decided, " This is dumb. Why'd you guys let me come here? Time to go to Walmart!" Everyone cheered as I pulled out of the parking spot, and hit someone's car.

You read that last sentence correctly. I hit someone's car. And then all the trolls in the universe appeared..

When I opened my car door I heard every stereotypical voice you would hear during a moment that could be exciting:

"Like, Oh my God. He just hit that car"
"Awww Snap Ya'll! Shits about to go down"
"Holy shit bro. Did you see that?!"

The Trolls! They arrived! And they came from all corners of the universe. Gathering around that accident.

I nervously got out of the car and walked up to victim of my carelessness. Afterall, how could I so carelessly hit an illegally parked car that was bascially screaming "OH, PLEASE! QUICKLY! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HIT ME!"

However, I had no attitude. No anger. Just concern. No one was hurt and there was ZERO damage.
Although I had no attitude, it didn't mean that other people were gonna play by the same rules. I still heard the trolls making things worse (and funnier...I laughed..a bit later). I still heard " Aw snaps, ya'll," which is so funny as background noise. I figured they'd get bored. But one of the trolls stepped forward and said " Hey man, nothing happened really. The dent was there and then it just popped out."

Glory! But, it wasn't over yet. One more approached me stating " Oh yeah! This is my sister's car. Hold on, she'll be right out!" She said it in that way. You know? That " Naw naw naw, bitch! Don't you dare think about running away!" kinda way. But I ignored the sass and waited for her sister who wasn't much different. When she came out, I was annoyed for two reasons: She was kinda cute and she didn't hear me tell her she was on the wrong side of the car. I stood awkwardly in the background.
Eventually she asked, " who did this?" and like a little kid who broke the family vase, I stood with my hand raised.

Her response: She turned to the trolls surrounding the vehicle and asked " Oh, he wasn't gonna speak up then huh?"

the before mentioned troll stepped forward explaining the situation again, this time to queen troll:

"...and then it just popped back out"

I got bored and walked up to her, apologizing for hitting her tactlessly, illegally parked car, which, if my car was damaged by, she would have to pay since she was the one in the wrong. She looked at me for a second, changed her tone and said " nah, its okay. There's no damage."

That was it. I drove the fuck outta there.

Kill em with kindness

and then villainy.